NOBODY HANGS A CALENDAR ANYMORE

Identify twenty people randomly. Whether those walking the highways or those sprawling in a hall. Ask them what day the 13th of October would be. If you’re shocked that over 80% of them would rather consult their phones and tablets than just flip through the pages of the dairy or glance at the wall in search of calendar, it means you are still far behind time.
Once upon a time, a room was not complete without a calendar hanging on the wall. Back then, one would be forgiven for having not hung an up-to-date calendar even when the year had eaten three or four months deep into its twelve layers. Better an out-dated calendar than a plain wall, it would seem. Not even a wall crammed with family photos would be enough excuse to not squeeze in a calendar, it would seem. Today it is mostly offices that endure the presence of calendars on their walls more because it seems to be a part of office fixtures than because of its perceived usefulness.

Did it never occur to you that, in some ways, calendars are not just about the dates they bear? Don’t the pictures that accompany the dates appeal to our various vanities? Now remember that retirement ceremony calendar of your former Reverend which used to hang in the sitting room back then. Remember how his smiling wrinkly face used to dissuade you from committing certain sins when the other members of the family were away.

The house I grew up in hardly used to run out of beauty products calendars with girls as pretty as ‘mamy water’. I remember, even as a child, how my eyes would linger on their gently-parted glossy lips and snow-white teeth. I remember swearing never to marry unless the girl unless she had those straight smooth legs like the girls in the calendars. These days, I begin to think that men back then used to like calendars of beautiful homes and posh cars because it reinforced their resolve to not give up on the stringent savings plan they just signed with their banks; women liked calendars with pictures of well-furnished kitchens because they gave them something to pray for; guys loved calendars with beauty queens because it made them feel the reason they were still alone was that they had yet not found the perfect girl; desperate bachelor girls hardly did without the calendars of newly-wedded couples because it assured them that if such a girl could hook such a man, then there was still some place for hope in this cruel life. But at the rate it is going today, it won’t be long until you will glance at the whitewashed walls only to meet the same old looks of family members both dead and alive. After all, who still needs a calendar when we have smart phones and all?

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About Uchenna-Franklin

I am Uchenna Ekweremadu (with/out a middle name ). I write. Poetry and prose, mainly. Nonfiction too. My works have appeared in Grub Street, Coe Review, Saraba Magazine, Imitation Fruit Journal, The Write Room, Wilderness House Literary Review, A&U American AIDS Magazine, Kalahari Review, Sentinel Nigeria Literary, Flashquake and elsewhere. I have interests in music, history and photography.
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